MIL/DIL Counsel: Never Heard This Before!

Recently read this interesting counsel on two-older-black-women-outdoors-14309798Tips to Improve Your Relationship with Your MIL:

“If you have the same standard for your mother-in-law as you have for your mother, then the problem will be gone.”

I’ve never heard that before!  Have you?

What do you think about that idea?  It sounds intriguing to me.  Could it work?  What would that look like and sound like?  How might it specifically play out?  About what standards are we talking here?

“Say it ain’t so” that we should take this to mean that if one has an unhealthy relationship with one’s mother that she should use this as a template with her MIL  So, should we talk about patience, kindness and respect?  Am I as considerate of my MIL at family gatherings as I am of my Mom?  Am I as willing to overlook her occasional faux pas?  What about including her in activities, outings, parties and discussions?

If I love my mother, should I also look to love my mother-in-law?  The answer, of course, is a resounding “Yes!”  And love means, in small part, to be generous in one’s thoughts about another.  Love results in a willingness to forgive and keep no record of wrongdoing, especially if it was inadvertent.Smiley Face Cupcakes Royalty Free Stock Photo, Pictures, Images And Stock Photography. Image 7823065.

Is this realistic?  Clearly, we are not proposing that we treat our MIL exactly the same as we treat the woman who wiped our snotty noses, got her hands goopy with Play Doh, made cupcakes for the classroom holiday parties, waited up at night when we were out on a date, and prayed for our spouses since the day we were born.  No, if we were blessed with a mother that nurtured and cared for us, that woman will always hold a special place of honor in our hearts.  And she will not be replaced by another.  Still, that doesn’t mean we cannot have a special place in our hearts for the woman who did all those things for the man we chose – of all the men we’d ever met – to do life with.  Perhaps, this, more than anything else is what is meant by “have the same standard”.

Are you interested in trying this on for size?  Let me know what you learn about her … and yourself. 😉



6 thoughts on “MIL/DIL Counsel: Never Heard This Before!

  1. My mom and my MIL are such completely different people, polar opposites. I had a very warm relationship with my mom the last 35 yrs (not so much growing up) , called each other everyday, laughed about stuff till we cried. My MIL dislikes me so very much, I can see it etched on her face at times. And I gave 2 grandsons on her BD and SHE STILL doesn’t like me!! 🙂 After 31+ year if I approached her like I did my mom she would think I was wanting something her. 🙂

  2. This really made me think, “DO I treat them differently?”
    I think “to be generous in one’s thoughts about another” is the challenge for me. I usually give my own mother the benefit of the doubt, whereas with my MIL I tend to assume the worst. Interesting. Thanks for the enlightenment. 😉

    • It seems to me that you give a very good example of what is meant by “standard”. How would it change our relationships with our MILs if we, by default, give our MIL the benefit of the doubt on all issues? To be generous toward them in our thoughts? Thanks for sharing!

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