“If you have the same standard for your mother-in-law as you have for your mother, then the problem will be gone.”
I’ve never heard that before! Have you?
What do you think about that idea? It sounds intriguing to me. Could it work? What would that look like and sound like? How might it specifically play out? About what standards are we talking here?
“Say it ain’t so” that we should take this to mean that if one has an unhealthy relationship with one’s mother that she should use this as a template with her MIL So, should we talk about patience, kindness and respect? Am I as considerate of my MIL at family gatherings as I am of my Mom? Am I as willing to overlook her occasional faux pas? What about including her in activities, outings, parties and discussions?
If I love my mother, should I also look to love my mother-in-law? The answer, of course, is a resounding “Yes!” And love means, in small part, to be generous in one’s thoughts about another. Love results in a willingness to forgive and keep no record of wrongdoing, especially if it was inadvertent.
Is this realistic? Clearly, we are not proposing that we treat our MIL exactly the same as we treat the woman who wiped our snotty noses, got her hands goopy with Play Doh, made cupcakes for the classroom holiday parties, waited up at night when we were out on a date, and prayed for our spouses since the day we were born. No, if we were blessed with a mother that nurtured and cared for us, that woman will always hold a special place of honor in our hearts. And she will not be replaced by another. Still, that doesn’t mean we cannot have a special place in our hearts for the woman who did all those things for the man we chose – of all the men we’d ever met – to do life with. Perhaps, this, more than anything else is what is meant by “have the same standard”.
Are you interested in trying this on for size? Let me know what you learn about her … and yourself. 😉