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What I Learned in May

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Did you catch the rainbow?  They always make me smile!

 

Okay, okay!  So, I seem to be a bit “behind the eight ball” so to speak, with getting my “What I Learned In …. ” posted in a timely manner.   I could tell you I learned it in June so as not to look like I’m late announcing this.  However, truth be told, I did “learn” this in May.  So, I might as well say so.

This was definitely worth recognizing, worth writing about, because it changed my perspective on the MIL/DIL thing.  So, perhaps you’ll find it worth the time to read.  😉

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This is one thing I became very much aware of in May …..

I’m HIS mother.  And he is a grown man now.  (THAT part I already knew!  Keep reading.)

I’m not HER mother.  I’m not HER friend.  I’m not HER family.  She need have nothing more to do with me than she would with an acquaintance.  My daughter-in-law did not choose me and I didn’t choose her.  They chose one another.  He is HER husband and she is HIS wife.  I have no claim on her – her time, her attention, her friendship, her love.  It may come – and I hope it will – but I have NO claim.  Nada.   Rien.  Niente.  This is at the core of the MIL/DIL relationship.

We both get to choose how much time, energy and effort we will put into the relationship, how far we let the other into our life, how often we want to spend time with one another, … whether we will choose to be friends …. family … allies ….

It may have been different years ago … in previous generations.  And it’s most likely different in other cultures.  (This we will explore in future posts!)  But, for here and for now, that’s what I see.  That’s what I hear.

That sheds some light on the subject … for me!  And in some way …. it seems to make the whole relationship a bit …. easier.  I feel more relaxed.  And that’s got to show.  This “I get it!” realization dissolves any pressure I might have been experiencing – even unknowingly so.  Fewer expectations … fewer “should”s ….. fewer “need to”s …. more time and space to see what, if anything, will come together.

Rainbows?   Perhaps.  But, there’s no rush.  I feel less inclined now to “make it happen” and much more comfortable to “wait and see”.

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What I Learned in March

You learn something new everyday – that is, if you are paying attention!  Obviously, it’s May now, but I’m still learning!  I was distracted by a dream-come-true adventure – some of which I will share later.  😉

In March I learned ….

1. … that even though I am the same person, my DILs react differently to me.  So, I react differently to them.  Which probably causes them to respond differently to me ….chicken stew

2.  … that you can’t make someone like you.  You just can’t.  So, stop trying.  It’s pretty pathetic.

3.  … that my new DIL, Natalie, is a good cook!  She prepared a tasty Italian chicken dish on Friday night and chicken stew that Sunday.  Mmmm.

4.  … that a worthy goal will stretch you …  by challenging yBen Lomondour excuses, demanding that you re-examine your priorities, and giving you a glimpse of what could be!  Adopt one … and run with it!

5.  … that, given enough time and room, even normally quiet introverts will share significant things with you.   Beautiful!

April, here I come! …..  Hmmm.  Maybe I should skip April and go straight through to May.